Hair (2016): Noah Syndergaard and My Trip to Watch the Los Angeles Dodgers Take on the New York Mets

It turned out to be a pretty solid week. Just when I thought Pizza Hut couldn’t shove one more damn thing into their crust, they went Next Level on a 2014 update, proving that there is always room for bacon.

My heart murmurs for you, Pizza Hut. Keep it going.

And speaking of going, I was lucky enough to see more baseball. The New York Mets against the Los Angeles Dodgers, Noah Syndergaard against the Dodgers’ newcomer Kenta Maeda…historical franchises battling out on a beautiful LA night in Chavez Ravine.

MLB: NLDS-New York Mets at Los Angeles Dodgers

If you are a Dodgers fan, the game was a bit of a disappointment. They lost, 4-3, coming expensively close to a .500 ballclub with a boatload of questions surrounding the organization.

If you are a Mets fan, then it was a great game. They won, 4-3, coming close to a plethora of knee-jerk reactions that will place the team as repeat National League champs.

Hey, it’s sports. Different strokes for different fans. However, there was an added bonus to this particular game, sort of like a win-win situation that is rarely seen in competition. Think of it like a tie…

A hair tie, that is.

(Three cups of coffee later)

If there was ever a time to remake the song Hair from the musical (or 1979 movie version) based on a baseball player, the time is now. You’ll want to sing along, I promise. Here’s the original—so you can get the tune rolling around upstairs in the brain attic:

And, without further confusion, here’s my remake, a little something I penned after watching Noah Syndergaard do what he does…

Maestro, if you will…


Yoenis Céspedes asks me why I’m just a hairy Mets guy

I’m hairy home or away, hair that’s moussed with TRESemmé

I’m hairy windup or stretch, 6’9” with he Afro, just like Fletch

It’s not for a lack of run support, like a 1962 Mets teleport, Ron Darlin’


Give me Syndergaard’s hair, long beautiful hair

Shining, gleaming, fastball 99, four-seaming

Give me down to there, Syndergaard’s hair, should length or deGrom’s

Here David, there, Harvey, everywhere, Duda, Duda


Syndergaard’s hair

Flow it, glove-side show it

Long as Leto can grow it, Syndergaard’s hair


Let it fly in the breeze and not get caught in the webbing please

Give a home to the Salt Lake Bees, in Syndergaard’s hair

A lot longer than Flea’s, envy for the Hemsworth three’s

A nest for the file, it’ll take the umps a while

Lost in the beauty, splendor, the wonder of


Syndergaard’s hair

Flow it, glove-side show it

Just as long as Fabio can grow it, Syndergaard’s hair


I want long, straight, curly, Vance Worley

Snaggy, shaggy, Rasmus matty

Oily, greasy, Magglio for shezee

Gleaming, 99 four-seaming

Not knotted, polka dotted, twisted, man-bun’d, John Jaso braided

Powered, showered, parade confettied


Bangled, tangled and Dave Righettied!


Oh say, can you see my eyes if you can

Then that’s probably Joe Blanton


He pitched well, struck me out, Rick was there

Two bombs, a win, my hair!


They’ll ga-ga at the no-no, when I complete it in a Kimono

A Kimono made of blond, brilliantined, Thor-esque hair

My hair like Tristan wore it, hell Brad Pitt would adore it

Marlins Man loves his baseball, why don’t he love the Marlins?


Syndergaard’s hair

Flow it, glove-side show it

Long as Giambi could grow it


Syndergaard’s hair

Flow it, glove-side show it

Long as Reddick can grow it


Syndergaard’s hair

Flow it glove-side show it

Long as Rick James could grow it (bitch)

Syndergaard’s hair.





1 reply »

  1. As a Royals fan, I have no love loss for Syndergaard after he threw at Esky’s head in the World Series, but an ejection for a thigh high pitch, without any warnings or other animosity shown in the series is ridiculous. Unless he was warned pregame about this, this ump was clearly on a power trip. Just be thankful Goodell isn’t running baseball, Syndergaard might be suspended for a month since he’s the only guy with a bigger ego than some umps when they get to stand behind the plate.

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